our paper boats: We're Sailing... ⚓

"We're adrift on a sailboat, My love is the sea. Yours is the horizon, Constant and steady.
You set my limbs locked hard afloat, Lifted my lonesome sails.

The tide is out, the moon is high We're sailing."

- Brooke Fraser "Sailboats" ⚓

When I was pregnant, I was dreading the thought of having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed a hungry baby. My husband and I would talk about our fears of what sleep deprivation would do to our sweet marriage and our lovely little personalities. In fact, every time (while I was pregnant) that I got up in the middle of the night to stumble, half awake, to the bathroom, I would say one of these prayers for my future life. "Lord, give me grace for future sleepless nights," "Lord, give my baby hair," (haha!) and "Lord, let my baby love to sleep." Nine out of ten times, I would pray one of those prayers in the middle of the night.

I made a goal at the beginning of my pregnancy that I would sleep until 9 or 10 every morning (unless I had somewhere to be.) I did it with the thought that sleep wasn't going to be as easy the next few months. I fulfilled that goal. :D

When Laef came, and we had some of those first sleepless nights, my mom helped us so much. She stayed and took longer shifts. My body was recovering from pregnancy, labor and delivery.

Laef sleeps in about 2-3 hour shifts and then he wakes up hungry. It's who he is. He's little and can't hold a lot of food. I journaled to the Lord often before he came, asking God to not let me "wish away" his sleeplessness, because it's who he was, and by wishing it away I would miss this stage.

Yes, I get Laef time at two AM and five AM. ;D And sometimes I want to cuss when he won't sleep. But, for the most part, I am trying to have the mindset of savoring his newbornness, and enjoying who he is right now. It will go so fast. And it's been much easier than I thought it would be. Mostly because I love him.

The last three and a half weeks have been super busy. I have only had one day all alone with Laef in the last three weeks. Brandon works from home as much as he can, which is amazing. I had my family here the first week, Brandon was home the second week, and my best friend and her husband came for a few days the third week, and currently I have Brandon's g-ma, mom and step dad here for a week. After them comes Brandon's sister and brother-in-law and then Brandon's dad and step mom.

So until mid to end August, it will be a bit crazy around here. Everyone is meeting our little person.

I spend most of my days sitting on the couch feeding this boy. It seriously takes forever because he is so little. It has tried my patience and my ability to do other things. I keep having to remind myself that this is the number one most important thing in life right this moment--to love, feed and spend time with my son. And I do enjoy it so much.

Last weekend, my friend Monique got married in the mountains of Boone, NC. Brandon, Laef and I took a road trip up to spend the afternoon/evening celebrating her day. It was absolutely stunning. We saw a lot of old friends from old days and danced to Michael Jackson on the back porch of a gorgeous lodge at the top of a mountain in a pouring rain storm. So great.

*Below is my close girlfriend, Molly Webb, with Laef

*Above: My dear friend, Ashley Webb, holding Laef.

It has been amazing to spend time with dear friends and family the last few weeks. Having my close friends in town to hold Laef and see this next stage of my life unfold is pretty special.

Laef's room was featured on a few different sites recently... kinda cool. Apartment Therapy & Baby Lifestyle e-magazine on page 41.

I've just been holding onto the seconds as best as I can. I still have those moments where I hold my son and tears pour down my face. He's beautiful, he's sweet, he looks like his dad, and I'm so happy. I'm so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness. Brandon and I are more in love with each other than ever. And I feel like we can't keep our hands off each other. (Sorry if that's TMI.) We just really love this time and the beauty it's making.

Yesterday marked 7 years ago that Brandon proposed to me on the rocks of Greystones, Ireland. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life. And 11 years ago (to the day) I met God on those same rocks and it changed my whole life. Now here we are married 6 years, having the best time of our lives. Watching Laef smile at us, yawn, sneeze, hiccup, cry and sleep.... it truly is a little bit of magic holding him. Such a strong love, yet different than anything we've ever experienced. It is perfect.

Emotionally, we are both great. Our dishes may pile up on our kitchen, and currently there is a basket of clean laundry that is a week-and-a-half old sitting in the corner of my bedroom. But, ya' know... some things can wait. Life is too short to clean every second. And I'm okay with a bed that hasn't been made in 3 days.

Every night as I swaddle my boy and rock him back and forth, I sing to him "Sailboats" by Brooke Fraser. Brandon whistles along. <3 Our hearts our full. ⚓