A New Year Monologue

"This moment contains all the moments." - C.S. Lewis

So here it all goes again. For me, I always hit a new year with a new age. Having a birthday on January 2nd isn't the most convenient day of the year. Most people dread January 2nd, since they have to go back to work, school, etc... Oh, well!

I turned twenty-seven this year. (I am thankful to still be in my twenties.) I still feel like I have so much to learn and understand while still in my twenties. 2012 left me feeling like 2013 couldn't possibly be better than 2012. I mean, having sweet Laef and watching life unfold with him is hands down the sweetest thing the soul can go through. Watching my husband become a father, watching my heart become a mother, seeing value in the things that I used to roll my eyes at. Sigh. What lessons we learn--sometimes in sweetness, and sometimes in pain. I'm glad to find that my identity is not wrapped up in my business or talents. I was happy to say "no" to photography jobs so that I could spend time with Laef and allow him to really get to know me in his first months of life. That is one of the best decisions I could have ever made.

I've stated before in previous blogs that last year was a time of massive healing for me. Laef brought me a lot of healing. It also brought me a lot of self-respect. Having a baby and seeing how your body can push limits and grow a child, produce milk, thrive on sleeplessness, and be excited in the moment--it pretty much takes you to a new place of respect. I will say, seeing my body the way it is now after having it look the same for 25 years has been rough. I have more of a respect for people who try to lose weight. I know I'm not fat, but wider is better word to describe my sweet midsection. haha.

Things take time. And I need to be patient with the process.

So, already five days into 2013.... what do I want to do differently? What do I want my heart to feel or grasp this year? How can I make that happen? What can I learn that I have pushed aside for sometime?

Well...

1. Limiting my social media intake.
   
   So I have hopes of trying to only check my Facebook once a week. (I'm calling it Facebook Friday.) I realize how much time this website waving the blue banner distracts my soul. Also I need to find inspiration inwardly and that is something that is hard for me to do when I have a problem with comparison. Yes, it's true. I'm sure I'm not the only one that can get on Facebook and come off comparing my sweet beautiful life to everyone else and either come up feeling like my life is awful, or better than others. I hate it. I have been blessed with the most incredible, perfect life and I can so easily take that slippery slope down a hill of comparison, and insecurity. I also am limiting my time on Instagram. Maybe checking it every other day. I have created a personal Instagram for my eyes only, where I am not consumed with what other people have to say about my creativity or my life. I want to start doing things for me. Not for anyone else.


2. A photo a day (Many a Moon)
   
   I have started a new little tumblr page here where I am making myself take a photo a day--making my soul and eyes search for beauty and look for the hidden things within the four gray walls of my house. I want to find beauty and look for hidden light, shadows, grace, and beauty in the things I see every day.


3. Making music.
   
   Brandon and I are wanting to start making music again, probably not at all like we did before...maybe trying to do a cover a month...start a YouTube channel. Just for fun.


4. Not bad-mouthing myself.
   
   This is a really hard one. I'm super hard on myself. Mostly with my looks. Oh, vanity!


5. My business.
   
   I want to spend time learning software, taking online courses for photography/software, growing in understanding, and expanding my capabilities as an artist and as a business owner.


6. More face-to-face time with Laef and my husband. Putting my cell phone away.
   
   I really want to forget I own a phone a lot, and see and experience things face-to-face. I want to spend time with Laef for real...eat dinner with my husband for real. I want it to be Brandon, Laef, and me, not Brandon, Laef, me and the phones.

So that's pretty much the top things I want to work on.

My business is picking up and Brandon and I are in the process of redoing my pricing, revamping my website, I'm getting my logo redesigned, I'm undergoing a rebranding, and getting things organized.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be super busy, super successful, and super wonderful. We are taking about a week in March to go out west for work and for our seventh anniversary. We will be leaving our sweet Laef for about six days. (Oh, what will I become without him?) And I have quite a bit of work lining up already for this year.

We are hoping to take a cruise in October again with friends and celebrate an early 30th birthday for Brandon. haha!

There are a few other things that I will blog about here in a few months that I'm super excited about! I'm waiting to see how all of it unfolds. <3

On top of all this is watching my sweet Laef grow and discover so much. It's scary and amazing.

So hats off to a new year. Hoping to fall more in love with the Lord and family through the process of life.

Happy New Year again... and Happy Birthday to me!

"Time is the fire in which we burn." - Delmore Schwartz